I figured if that militant pinko G-money could update his blog, then I'd best get on the proverbial horse and wax poetic on what's new in my life too....let's see now....what's in the news these days...anyway, I'm in this fantasy football pool and my current season record is 0-2, improving my record over the past 2 years to 7-12.  Football, as you can tell, is not my forte.  But here's the funny thing.  I had a running back on my roster named Deuce McAllister who I traded away.  Immediately I was criticized for making such a deal, and dismissed as a pushover.  Now who's laughing?  He got hurt in his first game with the other team, while the guy I got in return ran for over 150 yards...I still lost, but man did that feel sweet. 

So, school's back in.  I think that if you are able to achieve a bachelor's degree in anything (especially history) you should be revered and offered a plum government job with great benefits, an expense account, and a company vehicle.  Masters and PhD?  At least you get to study something that interests you.  I have to take a whole 4 credit course on...wait for it....the American Constitution....and let me assure you, it's much less exciting than it sounds.  While trying to do the assigned readings this week, I came across chapters such as "The Jeffersonian Republicans and the Courts," and "The Ratification Debates and the Nature of the Federal Government."  Attaining a BA means you can endure, plain and simple.  Man, I think we should be able to rule over our own feudal fiefdom after we graduate....but, a degree in history is more apt to land you here instead...that's life.  In the meanwhile, check this out, you might know someone. 

Buh-bye.

I'm still around...just finished working a 72 hour week for the relentless Dutch....I will update again when I can keep my eyes open long enough...

I have nothing to say.  Really, I have absolutely nothing to say....except that I'd like some mag wheels...that would be sweet.

Mr. Wendy (unofficial spokesman) please go away.  I have had enough of your nonstop talk about Wendy's greasy food.  I just cannot take it anymore.  I find it hard to believe that you are married....you must have a great wife if she can put up with you talking about nothing but Wendy's and eating all 3 meals there every day.  That's bad enough.  But why do you insist on pushing your Wendy's agenda on everyone else?  We all know about Wendy's...it's hard not to drive through any mid to large city and not see roughly 25 of them.  I don't care that they have a $1.39 value menu (see? the commercials have had an effect on me!) and that their crispy chicken burger is better than the non-descript nameless chicken restaurant's across the street.  Were you really hit by a car when you darted into traffic carrying a table with 3 chicken burgers without respecting the "don't walk" sign or did motorists just have to swerve out of the way?  I hope you didn't drop any of your burgers.  Tell me something Mr. Wendy, when you went to William Shatner's party and in a stroke of genius, brought two handfuls of Wendy's salads, did your wife not see you go into the restaurant to get them?  Or if not that, did she somehow miss the fact that you had to get all 16 of them out of the car?  Why did she wait until you were at the door, and she had already rung the doorbell before asking you what you thought you were doing?  Wait a minute, you know William Shatner?  The All Bran guy?  And how did you get into the announcer's booth at the racetrack?  You are a slippery one Mr. Wendy.  It must be hard to think about Wendy's all day, I mean, you must have another job right?  Right?  I can accept the fact that you need to have a job and I respect your right to earn a living, but could you do it so as not to annoy the masses?  Your job as Wendy's unofficial spokesman must be even more difficult than the new President of Iraq's because I'm sure you are less popular.  I mean come on, even the company doesn't want you around, they said it themselves on your first commercial!  Alright Mr. Wendy, I give up!  You are the greatest fast food pitchman since Jared and Subway Jim, and your words are sure to hypnotize every burger loving Canadian and American and make the company billions of dollars.  I'm just asking you as a favor, to please go away.

OK, before you do ANYTHING...check this out...I haven't laughed this hard in a long time!

Well, I think that perusing and commenting on this list has made me dumber....why can't being a child of the 80s mean that you remember the Challenger disaster, or the tearing down of the Berlin Wall and the end of the Cold War?  Why do our memories of the 80s have to include Peewee Herman or Alf?  There were so many more important things going on than what was on TV....I was reminded of this with the death of Ronald Reagan last Saturday (you know?  He did say "well" a lot!)  But, I have undertaken a challenge, and it will not go unfulfilled.  Here's some more drivel...

You Know You're a Child of the 80s if:

You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) with friends at school

I'm lost on this one.  Is this some kind of American craze or did it just not reach the friendly playgrounds of Silver Creek Elementary School in Hope, BC?  We played stuff like Transformers...where we pretended we each were a transformer...or we brought them to school with us.  And really, were the 80s about anything else other than Transformers?  The answer is yes.

You wore a Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of it

I love seeing old Jordache clothing in the MCC store or Value Village.  Why is it that humans are so susceptible to fads?  We've all worn something in our past that we look back on with shame and humiliation.  My question is: why can't we see it coming?  Who ever thought that wearing leg warmers was a cool thing?  And who exactly decides what is fashionable to wear?  When you think about it, it must be just one person, even if they are working for some huge advertising agency or something.  Now that would be a sweet job.  I think I'd decide that rind stones on a dungaree jacket would be the cool thing to wear for 2005 and watch the money roll in. 

L.A. GEAR

See above.  The only thing I remember about LA Gear was that you were allowed to pick the colour of the shoelaces and you could have different ones for each shoe!  Crazy!

Kids Incorporated....."K-I-D-S!!"

Stupid show, rip off of Mickey Mouse Club.  Jennifer Love Hewitt got her start on this monstrosity.  Just like Menudo, when you got too old, you got the boot from the show.  The Kids were all in a band with dancers and they would cover 80s classics like "Gloria" and "We Got the Beat."  If you missed this show then your ears have been spared a bleeding.  I love this quote on IMDB.com: "We hated the KIDS and we loved them too.  We sang along with them and then secretly wished the roof would collapse on top of them.  The saturday morning TV universe is a stark, empty void without KIDS intoxicated."  That about sums it up.  Kids today wouldn't put up with crap like Kids incorporated.  They'd be on their cell phones or the internet making up sites about what bad show it is and FOX would make up some show about a kid surrounded by a moronic family to fill the space. 
But I digress...TV is G-Money's department.

Your mother wouldn't let you have Garbage Pail Kids

This actually happened to me.  My friend Nate and I spent all our money at Bee's to buy Garbage Pail Kids cards... I don't think I really wanted them...I was peer-pressured.  When I got them home my parents saw them just as Nate's mom came to get him.  Well, they waited until he was gone and then basically tore them from my hands and threw them out.  I don't think I was all that upset.  Every Garbage Pail Kid (can you guess who they're a spoof of?) was either vomiting or picking its nose.  They were the ultimate 80s gross out and included pictures of cartoon kids in an electric chair and kids smoking 4 cigarettes at once.  The next time I went to Nate's he still had his cards... I guess his parents didn't care what he had.  I had pretty good parents.

You wanted to change your name to Jem in Kindergarten

Jill Baker is the resident Jem expert.  I was more a fan of the Misfits...their songs were better.  Ah Jem, another cartoon invented to sell toys.  I guess because Jem and the Holograms were always competing with Pizzazz and the Misfits through song, they were kind of like a teeny-bopper, 1980s animated, annoying version of 8 Mile without the rap.  Still, being surrounded by girls growing up, I'm sure that I have seen every episode...I do remember them doing important things like looking for the lost Tibetan city of Shangri-La and things like that.  You know, things that only a pop star could do.  Ah 80s TV...making an embarassing decade even more embarassing.

You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books

Ramona and her sister Beezus...what a crazy set of books.  Ramona thought that she was all that but her friend Howie would often stand up to her an put her in her place.  He did this by utilizing a cunning strategy: ignoring her and playing it cool.  If Ramona didn't get her way, she'd pitch a fit and Howie would get up and leave.  That kid had a brass set.  He wasn't a prominent character...that loser Henry Huggins was featured more which is a shame.  But I loved how Howie's family could all own Ramona...his grandma was the babysitter who just didn't care...neither would I if I were in my 70s and had to live with my kid and his two bratty offspring.  Then there was Howie's sister who annoyed Ramona, which was a good thing.  I compare it to the way my Mom feels about "The Sound of Music"  Whenever she sees the scene in which the family is hiding from the Nazis she always yells "They're behind the post!" or something...I wouldn't know because I've never seen it...anyway yeah....Ramona was supposed to be the heroine, but to me, she was just about the worst part of the 1980s.

You know the profound meaning of "Wax on,Wax off"

No, but I bet the Karate Kid does....only now I bet he waxes cars for a living, not just in the movies.

You wanted to be a Goonie

Cool movie...I wish Chunk had had a better acting career...I heard that a Goonies 2 movie was in the works which would be about the only way Corey Feldman would get any work...but I can't seem to find any more info on it, so it must have been a vicious lie.  Who do you think would win in a fight between the Goonies and S Club Seven?  I think we all know the answer to that...

You ever wore fluorescent, neon if you will, clothing

Yet another fashion debacle that is characteristic of the 1980s...I'm glad to see that we can learn from our mistakes....


Well, I hope this has informed you at least a bit.  I have been working evenings this week and Rick was right...it can be a soul crushing experience...thankfully there is online Settlers of Catan to play.  Eases the pain.  The other good thing is listening to "Network Replay" (old radio plays) on CKNW.  I heard a great line last night.  "She had the kind of figure you want to add to your income tax."  Classic.  If the 1950s fought the 1980s...well, there'd be no question there either.  Peace.

Wow, I just read what I posted last night and I come off sounding like some hatred filled militant or something.   Of course, that's not how I really am.  Let's just say that I don't like Canadian Idol (I do however like Survivor as Jill pointed out....) and that I think Ben Mulroney is a sub-par host.  I'm going to leave the television commentary to G-Money and concentrate on my 80s list...starting later.

Canadian Idol needs to go away.  Honestly, it's more interesting to watch the preview channel than Canadian Idol, and that's no exaggeration.  I won't make any attempt to point out the sole reason that Ben Mulroney landed the host gig, but I will say that I believe he is not a human being.  He is either an alien, or a digital effect created by CTV so they wouldn't have to pay a real person.  You know, there is a lot going on in the world today, not much of it very good.  We have a wrong and unjust war in Iraq, we kill baby seals and take purses from old women, and yet the most important question Ben Mulroney has to ask is perhaps the most inane one the world has ever heard: who are you wearing?  I watched him on the red carpet before the Juno (yes, the Juno) Awards and he asked Alanis Morissette who she was wearing...I thought she might cold cock him.  Mulroney is one dimensional, and if he has any broadcast training, he forgot it long ago.  He is also a columnist for the Toronto Star, who for some reason jumped at the chance to have a Mulroney on staff.  His dad was one of the worst Prime Ministers in Canadian history, and he has the cojones to write this. 

Anyway, back to Canadian Idol.  You know, lately Canadians have tried so hard to distance themselves from our southern neighbours it has almost become a national religion.  I guess the one thing we'll never escape is American TV, and why would we want to?  The CBC provides us with such classics as "An American in Canada" and "North of 60"so we can turn to NBC or CBS to watch something good.  Let me tell you something.  American Idol is not good TV.  As a retired broadcaster and a music fan, I cannot understand why anyone would enjoy listening to a cover of a song, which is the meat and potatoes of American Idol.  This is a show that makes stars out of people that can't sing and the winners think they are suddenly entitled to put out albums and go on tour singing, you guessed it, other peoples' songs.  And people pay money to watch!  But I digress...wait a minute, no I don't.  So if this show is such a waste of valuable airtime that could be just as easily filled up with old Simpsons or A-Team episodes, why do we feel we need to copy it in Canada? 

Let's look at the similarities between the two:  On the judge panel there is 1) A loud mouth who nobody had ever heard of before the show was on TV and who commands respect for some reason.  2) A token black judge, and 3) a washed up female singer (Paula Abdul and Sass Jordan)...alright gotta hit the sack...I'll finish up tomorrow.

Thanks to my cousin Jill Baker for this link

Well, I'm a new blogger and these humble words will probably only be seen by me or my Premier buddies...and we could probably just talk about them at work...but we work too hard for that kind of monkey business...yeah.  Anyway, every once in a while I receive an email that is supposed to make me throw back my head and laugh while I reminisce about the good old days growing up in the 80s and 90s.  Is it that people are trying to identify with one another because we grew up in the same years?  Well, there are about a billion little things that make us each different and the timeframe of our lives is so ambiguous that it shouldn't be considered a common denominator, but there are those that feel their voices should be heard.  When I read one of these lists, it not only almost always sucks, it is at the same time inaccurate.  So, after having seen this "list" of 56 things that makes me feel that I can relate to the other third of the planet that "grew up" in the years 1983-1995, I decided to pick the list apart one by one...starting with the first ten.  Enjoy!

You Know you grew up in the late 80's early 90's when:


1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE."

-Wow, I don't recall ever doing this...I must not have grown up in the "late 80's early 90's"  Holy crap do I feel inadequate.  We had a guy named Mike in our program at BCIT and he liked to be called "Psyche."  He was weird....and he's dead now.  Died of a drug overdose late in first year.  That sucked....just like the word "Psyche"

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

-I can't even recall there being a show based on these stupid dogs.  We're supposed to feel sorry for them because they live in a pound.  I do remember the toys....they were supposed to look sad so kids could convince their parents to buy them.  I think they even sold them in little cages to tug at your heartstrings...what a load.  You could even buy carrying cases for these stitched up pieces of fabric stuffed with filler.  Man, I'm in the wrong business....I should be making a gold mine off gullible kids.

3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair"

-What a classic TV show.  Revived Alfonso Ribeiro's career that's for sure.  Here's a true 80's moment...the time on Silver Spoons when that moron bragged to Ricky that he knew Michael Jackson and the gang exposed him for the liar he was...then, the REAL Michael Jackson showed up.  Alfonso handed his friends their asses that time.  He was even dressed up like Jacko, glove and all.  Oh yeah, the last time Alfonso worked (in show biz at least) was 1999...unless you count the McDonald's commercial he starred in last year.  By the way, I hated the Fresh Prince.


4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.

-Well, I'm a boy, and thus never wore skirts...are we talking about really short cut offs here?  Cause at BCIT there was a guy named Rob who was 34 when we started...I was 17.  We all called him Uncle Rob because he was the oldest in the program and the first week he wore really short cut offs that showed a little too much...so yeah, if you ever felt stylish wearing biker shorts, you are an idiot.

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

-Wow, I must be a child of the 80s because I read the Baby-sitters club books!  Having a few sisters around the house, I'm man enough to admit that I paged through one or two of these enthralling books where the biggest issues dealt with were diabetes and how to get bossed around by your friend and like it.  Tell me if I'm wrong, but didn't Kristy annoy you?  She ran that club and was probably skimming funds off the top.  My sister and her friends tried to start a baby-sitters club...they even advertised...it didn't work.  Let me tell you something.  The Baby-sitters club was like Wal-Mart.  They get together and offer you a bunch of baby-sitters at once, so parents are obviously going to go with them because they know that they'll always get a baby-sitter.  It's better than phoning around and finding that noone wants to watch your spoiled kid.  It puts the other baby-sitters out of business, and the economy goes down the drain because 13 year olds aren't earning any money to buy Hilary Duff stuff at Zellers.  The Baby-sitters club...what a stupid idea.

6. You owned those lil Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.

-My sister owned this collection...that was played with once and then found years later under the couch cushions.  I wonder where those darn network executives get their ideas for cartoons like this.  I bet their boss just says, "we need to make 320 million dollars this year, come up with some crap that kids will be suckered in by."  And they do it!  Sometimes I wish I grew up in a communist country or somewhere in Africa so I didn't have to remember this kind of commercial embarrassment.

7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom .....................

-Joey Lawrence...right up there with Frank Stallone.  I liked him better when he was on "Gimme a Break!" with Nell Carter.  He hasn't done anything notable in years either.  Guess that's what happens when you're typecast as a moron.

8. Two words: M.C. Hammer

- This is one of those things you look back on and are embarrassed.  Like that Milli Vanilli tape I had.  Hammer was a bat boy for the Oakland A's at one point in his life.  Look, how can you go from being a millionaire, to bankrupt in the space of 6 years?  I can't even imagine having millions of dollars, much less blowing millions of dollars.  What kind of idiot do you have to be?

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."

-Wasn't this on after Hockey Night in Canada?  CBC television has provided me with some of my most vivid memories over the years...I guess that means growing up in the 80s means you were raised by TV...I remember the Tommy Hunter show was on after HNIC at one point and that The Raccoons was a tv special before they ruined it by making it a weekly show.  It was only once in a blue moon.  Anyway, I never got into Fraggle Rock too much.  All I remember was that there was an old guy and his puppet dog, some things that made structures that the Fraggles ate, and that there was a talking pile of garbage.  Great memories....

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.

-Nope, my parents told me that streamers were too extravagant...can't relate.


Well, that's the first ten.  As you'll soon see, whoever put this list together spent a lot of time in front of the television or listening to crap on their tape decks, crap being the only music available at the time.  More to come!