Well, I think that perusing and commenting on this list has made me dumber....why can't being a child of the 80s mean that you remember the Challenger disaster, or the tearing down of the Berlin Wall and the end of the Cold War? Why do our memories of the 80s have to include Peewee Herman or Alf? There were so many more important things going on than what was on TV....I was reminded of this with the death of Ronald Reagan last Saturday (you know? He did say "well" a lot!) But, I have undertaken a challenge, and it will not go unfulfilled. Here's some more drivel...
You Know You're a Child of the 80s if:
You played the game "MASH" (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House) with friends at school
I'm lost on this one. Is this some kind of American craze or did it just not reach the friendly playgrounds of Silver Creek Elementary School in Hope, BC? We played stuff like Transformers...where we pretended we each were a transformer...or we brought them to school with us. And really, were the 80s about anything else other than Transformers? The answer is yes.
You wore a Jordache jean jacket and you were proud of it
I love seeing old Jordache clothing in the MCC store or Value Village. Why is it that humans are so susceptible to fads? We've all worn something in our past that we look back on with shame and humiliation. My question is: why can't we see it coming? Who ever thought that wearing leg warmers was a cool thing? And who exactly decides what is fashionable to wear? When you think about it, it must be just one person, even if they are working for some huge advertising agency or something. Now that would be a sweet job. I think I'd decide that rind stones on a dungaree jacket would be the cool thing to wear for 2005 and watch the money roll in.
L.A. GEAR
See above. The only thing I remember about LA Gear was that you were allowed to pick the colour of the shoelaces and you could have different ones for each shoe! Crazy!
Kids Incorporated....."K-I-D-S!!"
Stupid show, rip off of Mickey Mouse Club. Jennifer Love Hewitt got her start on this monstrosity. Just like Menudo, when you got too old, you got the boot from the show. The Kids were all in a band with dancers and they would cover 80s classics like "Gloria" and "We Got the Beat." If you missed this show then your ears have been spared a bleeding. I love this quote on IMDB.com: "We hated the KIDS and we loved them too. We sang along with them and then secretly wished the roof would collapse on top of them. The saturday morning TV universe is a stark, empty void without KIDS intoxicated." That about sums it up. Kids today wouldn't put up with crap like Kids incorporated. They'd be on their cell phones or the internet making up sites about what bad show it is and FOX would make up some show about a kid surrounded by a moronic family to fill the space.
But I digress...TV is G-Money's department.
Your mother wouldn't let you have Garbage Pail Kids
This actually happened to me. My friend Nate and I spent all our money at Bee's to buy Garbage Pail Kids cards... I don't think I really wanted them...I was peer-pressured. When I got them home my parents saw them just as Nate's mom came to get him. Well, they waited until he was gone and then basically tore them from my hands and threw them out. I don't think I was all that upset. Every Garbage Pail Kid (can you guess who they're a spoof of?) was either vomiting or picking its nose. They were the ultimate 80s gross out and included pictures of cartoon kids in an electric chair and kids smoking 4 cigarettes at once. The next time I went to Nate's he still had his cards... I guess his parents didn't care what he had. I had pretty good parents.
You wanted to change your name to Jem in Kindergarten
Jill Baker is the resident Jem expert. I was more a fan of the Misfits...their songs were better. Ah Jem, another cartoon invented to sell toys. I guess because Jem and the Holograms were always competing with Pizzazz and the Misfits through song, they were kind of like a teeny-bopper, 1980s animated, annoying version of 8 Mile without the rap. Still, being surrounded by girls growing up, I'm sure that I have seen every episode...I do remember them doing important things like looking for the lost Tibetan city of Shangri-La and things like that. You know, things that only a pop star could do. Ah 80s TV...making an embarassing decade even more embarassing.
You remember reading "Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing" and all the Ramona books
Ramona and her sister Beezus...what a crazy set of books. Ramona thought that she was all that but her friend Howie would often stand up to her an put her in her place. He did this by utilizing a cunning strategy: ignoring her and playing it cool. If Ramona didn't get her way, she'd pitch a fit and Howie would get up and leave. That kid had a brass set. He wasn't a prominent character...that loser Henry Huggins was featured more which is a shame. But I loved how Howie's family could all own Ramona...his grandma was the babysitter who just didn't care...neither would I if I were in my 70s and had to live with my kid and his two bratty offspring. Then there was Howie's sister who annoyed Ramona, which was a good thing. I compare it to the way my Mom feels about "The Sound of Music" Whenever she sees the scene in which the family is hiding from the Nazis she always yells "They're behind the post!" or something...I wouldn't know because I've never seen it...anyway yeah....Ramona was supposed to be the heroine, but to me, she was just about the worst part of the 1980s.
You know the profound meaning of "Wax on,Wax off"
No, but I bet the Karate Kid does....only now I bet he waxes cars for a living, not just in the movies.
You wanted to be a Goonie
Cool movie...I wish Chunk had had a better acting career...I heard that a Goonies 2 movie was in the works which would be about the only way Corey Feldman would get any work...but I can't seem to find any more info on it, so it must have been a vicious lie. Who do you think would win in a fight between the Goonies and S Club Seven? I think we all know the answer to that...
You ever wore fluorescent, neon if you will, clothing
Yet another fashion debacle that is characteristic of the 1980s...I'm glad to see that we can learn from our mistakes....
Well, I hope this has informed you at least a bit. I have been working evenings this week and Rick was right...it can be a soul crushing experience...thankfully there is online Settlers of Catan to play. Eases the pain. The other good thing is listening to "Network Replay" (old radio plays) on CKNW. I heard a great line last night. "She had the kind of figure you want to add to your income tax." Classic. If the 1950s fought the 1980s...well, there'd be no question there either. Peace.
Well, I hope this has informed you at least a bit. I have been working evenings this week and Rick was right...it can be a soul crushing experience...thankfully there is online Settlers of Catan to play. Eases the pain. The other good thing is listening to "Network Replay" (old radio plays) on CKNW. I heard a great line last night. "She had the kind of figure you want to add to your income tax." Classic. If the 1950s fought the 1980s...well, there'd be no question there either. Peace.
